Active Mutant Gene
by ColdFusion180
Summary: It has been said the Acolytes lack a great deal of common sense. Too bad nonsense is something they happen to have in abundance.


**Active Mutant Gene**

"That dumb, klutzy, absentminded Cajun," Magneto cursed as he stood hunched over a table in his private laboratory. "How could he possibly have been so careless as to blow up my helmet?"

"It could've been worse," Sabertooth growled standing off to the side. "You could've been wearing your helmet when it blew up."

"Thanks to Pyro I very nearly did!" Magneto snapped as he used his powers to work two metals into an alloy. "That flame brained lunatic is always getting in the way! Had I not been occupied with keeping my skull from imploding I would have slammed my glowing helmet on his head and **then** watch it blow up!"

"Eh, maybe next time," Sabertooth shrugged.

"Of course Gambit went and had **another** 'accident' where he blew up my spare helmet five minutes after destroying the first one," Magneto grumbled. "And he had the gall to suggest it was a coincidence. Coincidence my foot! I better not find someone put him up to blowing up both of my helmets as part of some idiotic bet!"

"Uh, yeah. Imagine that," Sabertooth coughed and tried to look innocent.

"Thank goodness I always keep a stock of iridium around or I would have had to risk going out unprotected," Magneto muttered as he worked on crafting a new helmet. "Of course leaving myself vulnerable to psychic attacks would probably be **less** dangerous than continuing to spend time around here!"

CRASH!

"Speaking of which," Sabertooth winced as the base shook slightly.

"Oh great, **now** what are those hyperactive fools up to?" Magneto groaned and made his way out of the lab. "I thought I ordered them to finish rebuilding the recreation room."

"I still say we should just call it the 'wreck room'," Sabertooth followed after him. "Considering how many times it's been destroyed, incinerated, flooded or blown up."

"I'll wreck **them** if they've done anything to my favorite chair again," Magneto growled dangerously as they neared the recreation room. "Do you know how hard it is to position the padding just right...huh?"

"Yahoo!" Pyro whooped as he swung from a thick bundle of electrical cables which hung down from the partially rebuilt ceiling. The rest of the Acolytes were engaged in similar bizarre activities. "The sun is at its zenith! Let the colors fly!"

"Fly into the wind!" Remy cheered while balancing on a precariously upended couch.

"Only when we catch it!" Piotr added perched on a large stack of wall panels.

"Excellent crew! Keep up the good work!" Mastermind laughed and gave a very awkward salute.

"What the devil is going on here?" Magneto shouted storming into the room. "Gambit? Colossus? Mastermind?"

"Hey Maggie!" Mastermind giggled and happily waved at Magneto. "Come! Join us in our frolicking!"

"Don't call me Maggie!" Magneto yelled at his subordinate's behavior. "Have you all gone mad? You're acting even more crazed and eccentric than usual!"

"It's amazing, isn't it? How bright and sparkly one's existence is?" Mastermind's eyes were practically going in circles. "I used to think my life was filled with nothing but woe, pain, misery and suffering, but now I have emerged from the depths and finally seen the light!"

"Okay," Magneto said slowly. "What drugs have you had and where can I get some?"

"Oh, Masty here hasn't had any drugs," Pyro explained cheerfully. "The only thing he's had all day is some strawberry-mango powdered drink mix."

"What?" Magneto gasped. "How in the heck did he ever decide to consume **that**?"

"Well, he may have been under the impression that the powdered drink mix was actually ground-up aspirin," Remy smirked knowingly. "Once that happened he couldn't get enough of it."

"Oh really?" Magneto glared at him. "Did you fools give him that impression?"

"Maybe," Remy grinned.

"Rainbows! Rainbows everywhere!" Mastermind laughed maniacally.

"I should have known," Magneto groaned. "How much of that vile drink mix did he have?"

"Only a pound or two," Remy shrugged. "At least..."

"Oh geeze," Magneto moaned. "Wait, the rest of you didn't have any drink mix too, did you?"

"Nope, just him," Pyro chirped.

"Thank goodness," Magneto sighed. "You maniacs are wild enough without it."

"Hey, you two don't seem to be very happy," Mastermind concluded blinking at Magneto and Sabertooth. "Oh, wait. That's because I haven't brought you into our very own happy fun land. Here, let me show you!"

"No wait!" Magneto shouted to stop Mastermind from including him in his illusion, but was too late.

"Wheeeeee!" Mastermind squealed now appearing to stand behind the wheel of a small sailing ship. Pyro was swaying in the rigging while Remy and Piotr perched on either side of the forecastle.

"Well this is different," Sabertooth grunted taking a sniff and gazing across the water. He and Magneto appeared to be standing on the quarterdeck. "I have to admit his illusion's pretty good."

"Almost too good," Magneto frowned extending a hand towards the ship's anchor. "I can't tell what's real metal around here and what isn't."

"Ya know Maggie," Mastermind hiccupped and waved vaguely at his surroundings. "When I first got here I thought you were a total idiot for willingly bringing these lunatics together to live in the same place."

"You're not the only one," Sabertooth muttered under his breath.

"But now I've had an epiphany!" Mastermind beamed and smiled at him. "You didn't do it for you. You did it for us. All of us! For we are all alike and have one great thing in common!"

"Yeah, you're all hopelessly insane," Sabertooth grunted.

"We are all mutants!" Mastermind declared reaching toward the sky. "Our powers may be different, but they all stem from the fact that we possess the same amazing gene!"

"Knowing I possess anything in common with you lunatics is frightening beyond belief," Magneto groaned.

"Life is fun! And what better way to live life than as a mutant?" Mastermind laughed and twirled around in giddiness. "_In the base where we all stay! Utter madness reigns supreme! And it sweeps us all away! Making life a happy dream!_"

"Oh no," Magneto paled and covered his ears. "Not again!"

"That's it! I'm outta here!" Sabertooth turned to run only to be set upon by a large flock of seagulls. "AAAHHHHHH! GET 'EM OFF ME!"

"_So we set off to explore! Seeking that which can't be seen!_" Mastermind began to do a little jig around the ship wheel. "_Laughing as we play and thrive! With an active mutant gene!_"

"STOP SINGING! STOP SINGING!" Magneto screamed while desperately trying to block out the noise. "WHY OH WHY DOES THERE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SINGING?!"

"_We all live with an active mutant gene!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr joined in with Mastermind while dancing around the ship. "_An active mutant gene, an active mutant gene!_"

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Sabertooth shrieked while frantically attempting to fight off the seagulls.

"_We all live with an active mutant gene!_" The four singing Acolytes continued in unison. "_An active mutant gene, an active mutant gene!_"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Magneto yelled.

"_Marvels of the universe!_" Mastermind gestured at the ship grandly. "_Using powers rare and diverse!_"

"WAAAUUUGGGHHH!" Sabertooth yelled as the seagulls drove him over the side of the ship.

PA-LOOOOOOSSSHHH!

"_As we aim to celebrate!_" Mastermind giggled as Pyro skipped down the deck and began firing off the cannons.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BA-BOOM! BA-BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BA-BOOM! BA-BOOM!

"YAAAHHHHHH!" Magneto yelped and dove aside to avoid being hit by the cannon's recoils.

"_We all live with an active mutant gene!_" The four younger Acolytes continued to swing and prance about the ship. "_An active mutant gene, an active mutant gene!_"

"Gaaahhh!" Sabertooth spat as he treaded water right before he was set upon by sharks. "AAAHHHHHH! YEEEOOOWWW! THAT HURTS! AAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!"

"_We all live with an active mutant gene!_" The other Acolytes were completely oblivious to his plight. "_An active mutant gene, an active mutant gene!_"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE SHUT UP!" Magneto wailed while frenetically trying to use his powers, but to no avail.

"Wahooo!" Mastermind smiled enjoying the illusion. "Sound off!"

"Trimming the boom!" Piotr reported.

"Splicing the shrouds!" Remy quipped.

"Tacking the jibs!" Pyro whooped.

"WILL YOU FOOLS STOP YOUR BLOODY CATERWAULING AND HELP ME?! AAAHHHHH!" Sabertooth shrieked as he flailed among the sharks.

"Hahahahaha!" Mastermind laughed insanely as he absently spun the ship's wheel in circles. "_Carried on by restless feet! Spreading fun to all we meet!_"

"YAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth swam by now being pursued by a dozen leopard seals.

"_Here to there and in between!_" Mastermind giggled kicking up his heels. "_With an active mutant gene!_"

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" Magneto yelled while banging his head against the ship's bell.

"_We all live with an active mutant gene!_" The four carefree Acolytes sang at the top of their lungs. "_An active mutant gene, an active mutant gene!_"

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Sabertooth flew over the side of the ship having been tossed by the leopard seals. He crashed headfirst into a squat capstan and broke it to smithereens.

SMASH!

"Ohhh," Sabertooth moaned painfully.

"_We all live with an active mutant gene!_" The Acolytes continued dancing around the ship. "_An active mutant gene, an active mutant gene!_"

"I hate my life," Sabertooth whimpered with his clothes torn to shreds. "I really hate my life..."

"Ohhh, why do I even bother wearing a helmet anymore?" Magneto groaned sinking to the deck. "Psychic attacks are nothing compared to the amount of **mental **damage caused by being exposed to these nuts!"

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Yellow Submarine".**


End file.
